I remember standing in the garden like it was yesterday. I was standing next to someone who I really looked up to. I was 13, she was 15.
As I spoke, instead of replying to me she almost spat at me “get away from me, you are disgusting! I can't stand the sight of you! No one will ever love you!” Her words punched me in the gut. I was in shock, and my head was reeling in confusion. I never did anything to her, and would never dream of saying such a thing to anyone. Those words stayed with me, and little did I realize how much they would impact my life. As is the way of trauma, you will keep repeating similar patterns until you heal the original wound.
I got involved in relationships with men who never truly loved me. I had ‘friends’ who betrayed me. Business partners who stole from me. I married narcissistic men who cheated on me and abused me emotionally.
My second husband told me that no one will ever love a successful and independent woman (which I was), so of course, I created the scenario again. This time to prove that no matter how good I am, how hard I work, how much I do, I can never be loved. I was willing to sacrifice myself, and my needs, just to be loved. I kept being offered a chance to change my belief about myself, but it’s only when I had to make a choice between staying in a toxic relationship or choosing myself, that I realized that I’d allowed my self-worth to be determined by a 15-year-old, who actually hated herself. Our words have the power to start wars or end them. Couple words with emotion and you create a program in your subconscious mind that will keep running and sabotaging your life.
Masaru Emoto was a Japanese alternative health practitioner who studied water crystals that came from various sources. Caves, lakes, muddied water, dirty rivers and water with words labelled onto them.
He found that the water retains the emotion of the words spoken to it. Positive words formed beautiful, intricate patterns, while hateful, negative words and sounds created distortions and no pattern. If our bodies are 60% water then how you speak to it, will determine whether you flourish or get disease. Your thoughts determine your emotions, which determine what your body reflects back to you. If you want to heal, you need to notice what you are saying to yourself, and start changing the program. You will become what you think and tell yourself you are. If you keep telling yourself how old you are becoming, or how fat, or forgetful, you are loading it onto your system and your body will act it out. Start noticing where you are running yourself down, where you judge or criticise yourself, and be kind to yourself. The world is a hard enough place to live in as it is. Till then Beautiful Being, Natasha “I Am Loved” Williams
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AuthorNatasha Williams is a spiritual warrior. She has written 6 books, pioneered a fitness movement and is a master life and transformation coach. She lives in South Africa, but has clients worldwide. Archives
August 2024
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